Law College

Team

Ricky Bailey
Paul Taylor-South
Harry Giles
Mike Ridler
Jez Bennett
John Schluter
Ian Simpson
Nicky Walsh
Graeme Page
Ade Morley
Richard Alsford

The Barmy Derby By Martin Giles (Harry's Father)

Three ambulances and a police car passed the cricket pitch at Shalford yesterday evening as the St Catherine’s derby match was played out between Ye Olde Ship Inn CC and The College of Law. None of the emergency services spotted the person they were obviously looking for, a fully qualified member of the Barmy Army who turned up from nowhere and decided to stay and boost the spectator figures by 33%.

All the legal minds present seemed powerless to prevent his eccentric behaviour, variously trying to ‘help’ with the scoring, give highly technical advice to the batsmen as they came and went (e.g. ‘slog it mate’), showing to anyone who stayed still for more than a minute a letter from Portsmouth Football Club and his fishing rod. He even interrupted women’s conversation - brave but the behaviour of one who is truly one ball short of an over.

However, the distraction he created seemed, eventually, almost welcome on a night far too chilly for cricket. It soon became clear that the 73 runs scored by YOSI were well under any sort of challenging target for the youthful legal cubs.

The trainee lawyers opened the case for the prosecution by bowling first, initially with little effect, 15 runs came off their first three overs for no loss and despite a couple of appeals quickly dismissed by the judge umpire (obviously no lawyer - he took no time at all to arrive at a verdict). But then the run rate slowed and the first wicket fell with the total only at 32.

Next in Harry Giles. ‘Tonk a quick 25,’ instructed Paul. If the innings had matched his warm up stretching and air shots he would have scored at least 50. As it was, he scored just one, out advancing down the pitch to a ball that turned. The team’s keeper, stumped! A sad end following his century of the previous weekend – did he mention it? There followed a steady fall of wickets with "Extras" top scoring and 16 closely followed by Jez Bennett and Mike Ridler at 14 runs each, but at least the twenty overs were played out.

After a very short adjournment the case for the defence started very slowly only 5 runs being scored in the first two overs. Mr Barmy Army, by now a fully fledged YOSI supporter (in truth his allegiance to any team from a pub over a team with ‘Law’ in the title was a foregone conclusion) proclaimed that ‘we’ had them and asked would there be any free drinks at the post match celebrations.

The legal boys, perhaps worried that they were encouraging him to believe something joyous and liquid was in prospect, started to score steadily. YOSI supporters were filled with mixed feelings, defeat was bitter but so was the temperature. The solicitous boundaries scored by the enemy seemed increasingly comforting. The prospect of survival without frostbite became real as the match finished with the college reaching their target in the 11th over.

Barmy summed up the case succinctly, ‘We’ve been stuffed!’ No jury could disagree. Then In a spirit of magnanimity good old Barmy visited both changing rooms to congratulate and commiserate but mainly to ask if they had any fags. Presumably the emergency services are still searching.

Martin Giles